Top 10 Things to Do When There’s No Snow
Picture got your attention did it? Okay, now that you’re here, it’s time to get down to business. Let’s talk about the fact that sledders like to cleverly create memes that count down the number of Fridays until winter. “Only 21 more Fridays!” But wait a minute! That doesn’t sound very good at all! It’s probably better to simply deal with the fact that this is the middle of summer and there’s no snow, and there won’t be any for a long time yet. Yes, we know, it sucks. But that’s our fault for being junkies, addicted to a seasonal sport. So we might as well embrace the heat with our list of fun things to do in the meantime.
Top 10 Things to Do When There’s No Snow
Enjoy a Motorcycle
Even if you don’t have to actually own one, you can sure as hell dream about it! Enjoyment of motorcycles doesn’t even necessarily require riding one, although that is the icing on the cake. You can wrench away, spend half the night checking out custom café racers on Pinterest, go ogle enduro bikes at your local dealership, or just rubberneck the shit out of every bike you see ride by this summer. It’s all good.
So much *cough*…so *cough cough*…so much *cough*…fun. How many more Fridays?
Wakesurf
If you own a wakesurf boat or know someone who does that doesn’t mind you tagging along, then I hate your guts. Unless you want to take me, then we’re cool. I’ll bring chips.
Our southern brethren enjoy riding wakes too. Yee haw, ‘Merica!
Go For a Hike
Weeeeaaaalll, this does sound like a lot of work. But try this. Take your 70 year-old Mom with you. That way you can’t really go much faster than her for fear of her being left behind and taken by bears. It forces you to set an easy pace, and you’ll get to feel like a hero for begrudgingly turning around early (even though you kinda wanted to anyway).
Don’t worry Mom, I gotcha. This should square us up for that time you gave birth to me.
Camper vans!
Try this game. Every time you see a camper van, enthusiastically turn to your wife and say, “Look hunny! A camper van!” Do it every time you see one. Every single time. All summer. See what happens. It’s really fun.
“Hey hunny! Hunny! Hunny! Look! A camper van right over there! Sweet…”
Stop Wearing Shirts
That’s right. It’s legal for the ladies too, so let’s all get with the program. Air those man-boobs out with pride. Or if you’re ashamed, do like the Latin American fellas do and just pull your shirt up in the front so it rests on your gut. It’s a great way to cool down and it lets everyone know, “Heyyyyy, I’m a laid-back dude.”
No snow, no shirt.
Get Really Good at Barbecuing
Summer is a good opportunity to brush up on your barbecue skills. See if you can go a whole week without using your stove or oven. You can barbecue just about anything, including even—get this—vegetables! But let’s face it, dead carcasses taste the best. Just don’t get reckless and try barbecuing something ridiculous like an entire pig. Leave that for the experts.
It’s true. You can BBQ vegetables. You can also lick a flagpole in January.
Music Festivals
Fentanyl crisis aside, music festivals can be a really fun. The art and light shows at some of these events are world class. Too bad you’re probably already too deaf from the sound of your pipes and stinger to hear any of the music.
MDMA RULES!!! Can I pet your face!?
Become Mosquito Food
If you live in Canada, just do anything outside. Anything at all. It doesn’t seem to matter where you are or what you’re doing, you’re bound to get nailed. It kinda comes with the territory. The good part is that we can be thankful that our pesky miniature flying vampires aren’t riddled with nasty diseases like zika, malaria, etc. Until that pesky climate change really kicks into gear that is.
Little pricks. Literally.
Hit Golf Balls Really Far
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you to go spend a bunch of time at the driving range. That would be boring. I’m suggesting that you find a clearing somewhere, get together some golf balls, grab the biggest dog in your bag (a baseball bat will do in a pinch) and let that sucker eat. Send those little buggers into the stratosphere. It’s very satisfying. Then go pick them up after of course.
Let the Big Dawg eat!
Float on Something
It doesn’t much really matter what. If you happen to be Canadian, chances are that you’ve got a canoe at your disposal. However, the benefits of floating on an inflatable must be considered. A) You’ll be partially wet, and therefore cooler B) To the best of our knowledge, inflatables aren’t considered watercraft and therefore you can drink your face off without risk of losing your driver’s license for boating under the influence. Like any good citizen of the world, the only danger you pose is to yourself!
A new line of dinghies from Polaris feature 10% better floatation.
— PG
