BC Sledder Enters Race for Premier: Promises Powder Days
With all of the political excitement in the air I have decided to shake things up a bit and enter myself in a run for public office—that’s right, I want to be your Premier, your fearless leader. Once I have outlined my platform I am sure that you will agree that I am your best choice and cast your vote for me to represent you. The fact that I have no political experience shouldn’t worry you, considering my competition. My platform far outweighs the talking points of the other party leaders—Jobs, Environment, Health Care, Taxes—blah, blah, blah. Let’s talk about the important issues.
BC Sledder Enters Race for Premier
Less Work, More Slay
The first point I will address is this ridiculous work week in BC. Who can expect someone to stay focused and productive for five entire days in a row? Effective immediately the work week shall be shortened to four days. The “long” three day weekend this creates will then be moved to the middle of the current week, making Wednesday, Thursday and Friday your new days off.
This serves two purposes: first, the weather always seems better during the current weekday anyhow and second: we can track up all the fresh snow ourselves and then be happily back at work by the time the out of province riders hit town for their old fashioned “standard” weekend. In addition there will now be one extra day off per month given to work on your sled. This bonus sled day will be similar to the current family day except you will actually spend it with someone you love.
Tax Breaks for Sledding Mental Health Therapy
Beginning in 2018 there will be a new line to fill in regarding your BC income tax filing. This line will allow you to claim any and all parts or modifications to your snowmobile directly off of your yearly income tax. Designed to help improve mental health you will now be able to write off that new turbo kit or other performance modifications. What the heck, let’s throw in interest payments and depreciation as well—write it all off.
Mandatory Powder Days for Employees
It shall be deemed cruel and unusual punishment to be forced to work on any day of sunshine that may follow a winter storm. Any storm dropping in excess of 20cms of snow will put this protocol in effect. If there is a sunny day following within 48 hours then that day shall automatically be deemed a provincial holiday. You don’t even need to call your boss, just go ride.
Some other points that will be addressed once I am in a position of power are:
– Anyone in line at a gas station to buy lottery tickets will have to wait. Priority must be given to fuel customers. If you want to stand there and tie up the attendant for 45 minutes while you pick out scratch and win tickets you will be forcibly removed.
– Marked fuel will be legal to use in your pickup if you are hauling a snowmobile or snowmobile trailer.
– I will bring in an automatic life sentence for any thief caught stealing a snowmobile. Honestly Id go for the death penalty but I like to think that I’m a reasonable guy; Perhaps a referendum on this will be forthcoming and I will listen to my constituents. I’m good either way.
– Anyone moving to BC from another province or jurisdiction will have to pass a mandatory exam wherein they can identify snowmobiles by brand, as well as pass a proficiency test in their safe operation. If you bring your own snowmobile you may apply for grants to help with moving expenses. Alberta riders may require additional driving instruction—I’m sure you understand. At this time there is no plan for a wall.
I will always have my door open to hear other ideas from fellow sledders. Special attention will be given to ideas that will improve the financial and mental well-being of snowmobile riders. As Premier, I will work hard on your behalf and together we can make snowmobiling great again. It’s gonna be huuge, I guarantee it.
— Marty
